Dispersion of Thoughts

For many reasons, I've been thinking lately that I should start blogging again. But I've had a lot of reservations about it as well. But for the first time in a long time, I came to my computer at some point this morning and decided to write. Last night I had a simple and smooth time swimming with friends. Catherine, Sam, Gioconda, Max, and Wendy. It was one of those not so complicated nights where you have a simple but delicious dinner, simple but gratifying dessert, and simple but exciting trampoline jump/water gun fight/game of Marco Polo. That's something that's changed a lot for me over the past couple of months that has actually been a difficult adjustment. The lack of drama. Outwardly anyways.

Gia talked a little bit last night about the processes she went through at the Hoffman Institute and mentioned that one of the techniques they use is this idea of checking in with your spirit guide. But she said that by the 3rd day, her spirit guide went missing. I thought this was actually an amazing thing, because, rather than her missing something along the process, it seemed to me that it was more of a matter of not needing the outside entity of a spirit guiding you. I think she was just tapped into herself more, and didn't need an external tool to guide her. She was just with her own Guru.

"Not all who wander are lost."

For so many reasons, I haven't been getting out much. And a lot of that has to do with the kind of energy that comes from all the forward folds I've been doing. I would definitely say I am currently in a state of nimesha spanda. It's quite funny to see how everything on the outside seems to be taking care of itself quite fine. The pieces of my life as a yoga teacher are actually coming together quite well. In fact, I've had to turn away some opportunities. And my abilities as a teacher seem to be naturally coming more smoothly as my classes are growing, and I don't feel like I've blasted out all of my energy after teaching a class. But the forward folds have been opening up my entire back body, tiring it, and pulling me so much further into the recesses of my own mind. Fortunately, I seem to recognize that it is only my mind that is working this way, and not necessarily "Me", or should I say "I", or maybe "The Self". And one thing that struck me as odd last night was how I would vocalize and perform in insecure ways, even though I didn't really feel all that insecure. I saw how my mind was kind of acting on it's own and my mouth would follow, despite the fact that I didn't actually feel the way I was speaking. Fortunately, I don't think I said anything too offensive, but just noticing how my actions seemed in accordance with what comes up from forward folding. BTW, I've definitely decided that I WILL NOT have a forward fold as a pose of the year for 2011. Maybe I'll I'll flip between backbend and forward fold from year to year...

Anyways, the personal behavior I've had lately, from staying in the house so much unless I have a class to teach or a meeting, watching Netflix like a crazy person, spending very little money and energy, had got me to questioning whether or not I should be doing so many forward folds. It's very out of character for me, and I will say, it is also not the most enjoyable side of Jeremiah. But it amazing me to see the serendipity and coincidence that has been showing up while I'm in this process. One of the best ones is the presence of a song. When it's in your head, then it plays on your ipod, then it is in the store you're shopping at, then it's on Pandora. I find these (along with other coincidences that seem to pop up) as nice little reminders that I am on the right path for myself. Because, like Gia had mentioned for herself, my spirit guide is MIA. But I think I just don't really need that external guide or idea to the extent that I did before. It is here inside, I recognize it, and it is not separate from me. And so we move forward...