So I seem to write now about every 6 months...

And here's the next one. I haven't been writing for a number of different reasons. Not being that inspired, not wanting to say everything, mostly because I'd like to try my thoughts out in my head as opposed to in writing, and not necessarily having the time. Of course, it's not like I do now either. But either way, I figured I'd do it today.

I find it interesting how I've grown much more private in some ways. I think it's because something that I've learned more over the last year or so is that so much of the drama that I go through is really just in my head. Not like, psycho drama, but rather, my frustrations, my difficulties, etc. are only as real as I give them life. And for many years I was taught (and rightfully so) to express all that drama. Mostly, because of my years of training as an actor. But finding a kind of container for that drama while also letting out what I need to say has been something I've been learning.

Which reminds me. I was talking to my friend and roommate Susan who has been studying Jyotish, or The Science of Light, which is basically Indian Yoga astrology. She asked what my dashas are right now (which are basically certain phases) and I am in Ketu and Rahu. She was surprised and excited about that. Apparently, the Ketu and Rahu are basically opposite, Rahu symbolically representing the head of the dragon, and Ketu representing the tail of the dragon. So I got a whole damn dragon in me right now!

Apparently, it represents more the ideas of letting go of bad karma and the plantings of seeds of a great future. From Wikipedia:

"Ketu signifies the spiritual process of the refinement of materialization to spirit and is considered both malefic and benefic, as it causes sorrow and loss, and yet at the same time turns the individual to God. In other words, it causes material loss in order to force a more spiritual outlook in the person. Ketu is a karaka or indicator of intelligence, wisdom, non-attachment, fantasy, penetrating insight, derangement, and psychic abilities. Ketu is believed to bring prosperity to the devotee's family, removes the effects of snakebite and illness arising out of poisons. He grants good health, wealth and cattle to his devotees. The people who come under the influence of Ketu can achieve great heights, most of them spiritual."

"Rahu is a legendary master of deception who signifies cheaters, pleasure seekers, operators in foreign lands, drug dealers, poison dealers, insincere & immoral acts, etc. It is the significator of an irreligious person, an outcast, harsh speech, logical fallacy, falsehoods, uncleanliness, abdominal ulcers, bones, and transmigration. Rahu is instrumental in strengthening one's power and converting even an enemy into a friend. In Buddhism Rahu is one of the krodhadevatas (terror-inspiring gods)."

Of course, these descriptions do not necessarily mean that I am currently embodying these qualities, as much as they are what I am confronting. I've described this feeling to friends more recently in terms more like Spanda- the contraction and expansion. Only, it's not just one or the other, as would seem to make clearer sense. I even feel this on a very visceral level. Like my inner body is expanding a lot, and yet my outter body is compressing around me, creating an interesting tension in the space between my inner self and outer self.

I figured that when I first started noticing these things, that it was going to be a short and interesting phase. And yet, it seems to be taking longer than I expected. Well, I can't wait to see where things go.