Vampires

I've always been fascinated by them. And not just because they moved to the public eye more with pop culture via Twilight and True Blood (although I like both). Naturally, vampires have gone up and down in popularity due to many things, but I remember reading Anne Rice novels in 7th grade, always looking out for vampire books and movies that would come out. And today, I went back and watched a movie called Daybreakers, which I had seen before. The symbols and metaphors dealing with vampires are generally consistent. Indulgence, sensuality, darkness, invitation only, taking life force (blood)... And at least from a Tantric perspective, none of this is innately considered wrong or bad or evil.

Now, to be honest, this subject piqued my interest about and hour or so ago, and has since tapered off. Oh well. But my intention at this point is more to just start writing and putting what is in my mind and the ethers down on paper. But since I have moved and am in a very different place in my life than even a few months ago, I was thinking of some things as I sat watching the movie while a book I've been reading was sitting next to me.

Something my boyfriend said recently that I really liked was that if what you are saying and doing is sincere, you don't have to immediately defend it. Good point. And I'm at a point in my life where I feel like I should stop having to defend myself. Especially in a yoga class. I've asked for feedback from certain teachers over the last couple of weeks, and I've found that their feedback often conflicts. One teacher will say that I should stop talking so much about what I have to say and just teach. Then another one will say stand stronger in what you have to say and don't be nervous. Both instances of feedback were relevant and appropriate, especially in those instances. But here's the funnier thing-

The class that I taught where one certified teacher came and gave me feedback that I should stop talking about what I have to say is kind of funny. Because I was teaching a specific sentence from the Immersion manual. Under the Overview of Anusara Yoga, my theme was the 4th sentence- "(Anusara Yoga) Combines various main paths of yoga- Hatha, Jnana, and Bhakti- that help to open all levels of one's being- body, mind, and heart." Funny enough, that teacher showed up late to class (and certainly didn't make a respectful point to settle in quickly and quietly, but rather dilly dallied around until about 5 minutes into asana) and wasn't there to hear my explanation about how I was teaching a sentence per class directly from the Immersion manual. I was feeling confident, but not speaking my own voice. I was speaking directly from John's written words, trying to be as true to them as possible without saying what I wanted to say about it.

The other class where I asked for feedback, I was teaching the balance of both sensitivity and boldness. I was feeling bold and confident that day, and when the teacher came up to me and said she would be leaving early, I decided I needed to embody what I was teaching and be sensitive in that moment to her situation instead of purely bold. So I allowed it. Mind, when people tell me that normally, I generally ask them to make a choice to either stay the whole way through, or go ahead and leave. In fact, my boyfriend was going to come to that class, but I didn't really want him to because he needed to leave early. So he didn't come. Anyways, I made a point to become more sensitive. By becoming more sensitive, it immediately made me nervous. I relaxed my boundaries in order to practice what I had to say, and it made me nervous. So for the first couple of minutes in class, I was nervous. Then my feedback was to not be nervous and stand in what I have to say on the matter, even if there's teachers in the room. Which I found funny, because it wasn't the teachers in the room that made me nervous, it was the fact that I chose to be more sensitive and take in all this energy coming at me from all the people sitting in front of me.

So, what does all this come down to? It reminds me of when I wrote in my journal during my first immersion about what Open to Grace means to me. I remember not being able to think of anything else specifically other than Choice. So what I've come down to here, is that I get the chance to choose what kind of teacher I want to be from now on.

I can be the confident teacher with something to say that will always have people pulling at me and telling me to come down and I will constantly have to be making allowances and remembering to stay sensitive

or

I can be the sensitive and always caring teacher that will always have people prodding me to stand up and pushing me to do and say for myself and I will need to keep thinking about standing up for myself and taking what is offered.

So this is an interesting choice. Do you receive your energy from yourself, or from others? It's not a natural inclination to be one or the other in life, it is the choice to be one or the other in life. And which one is more beneficial considering my state and position in life? And if I am to serve life at large, which is better?

I think I've made my choice already.

So this post may have skipped far from obvious subject of Vampires, but the thread of my interest in it is obvious if you can see it.